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My Great Grandma stood up in the middle of the Chinese restaurant, cane and all, and said, “I’ll see you on my 200th!” then sat down.

officialfrenchtoast:

when you’re lying and ur bestfriend backs u up

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school:  your tuition bill is-
me:  oh darling, stars never pay

andrejpejicjimmyvegafanfic:

flight attendant: coffee or tea, your highness?
me: *looks out the window*
flight attendant: your highness?
me: *no answer*
flight attendant: coffee or tea, your highness?
me: *turns my head to face the flight attendant*
me: coffee.